Thursday, October 31, 2002

talkin bout Hallowweeeennnn!!

i swear i'm stuck watching the only kids on the planet that don't want to go trick-or-treating.. i said Taylor.. you don't wanna trick-or treat??... No, not really.. she wants to eat pizza instead... Paris just dosen't care at all.. i'm not sure if she's even been... i think someone told her Halloween was the devil or something... one of my wierdo relatives...

man... fuck that... when i was they age we had to go home and get extra bags for candy cause we'd run San Antonio into the fuckin ground... they couldn't fuck with us cause we'd be out there like a pack of wild dogs.. we even had the special people up in the mix... lord forgive me for that thought i just had... lol.. but a kid never passed up the opportunity to dress up....

these kids today.. so jaded... they just get shit too easy...

Happy Halloween, and All Saints Day, and Dia De Los Muertos, and New Years to the wiccan folks... Get ya party on... Syol

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

ohhhh.... what to say... i am an honest person.. so i try to share what i feel... i feel bad right now... i feel like if i don't leave this place i will die here... with all the drama surrounding Aunt Bertha today i saw how trivial my family is... how they all crowding to be around Uncle Robert and things but they were not there when he was struggling to get her out of bed, dress, and feed her everyday.. how everyone is crying and acting crazy and hugging everyone but they never offered a helping hand

i can see in Uncle Robert is alone... and it makes me feel so bad... they were married for 54 years and theres that old addage that the other one follows soon after... i see it in his body... he is next.. and i'm so scared to say that... because i love him so so so so so much man.... Diane and them found out about Auntie last night around 11 and they had just got there about 5 o'clock this afternoon... Diane is a mess... we held each other for about an hour... so funny because i remember her holding me as a little girl when my momma would go off to work.. now her momma is gone and she looked to me for comfort... the whole time i really tried to hold back my tears... i was so scared that she would find out i wasn't strong... and i felt guilty that i wanted to cry too...

the twins are here also... along with Tyquan and Derrick.. they have gotten so big.... the funeral is on Saturday.. Ms. Elliot was there doing the program... but my eyes just fell on Uncle Robert... and everyone knows... he will follow soon....

Madear kind of made me sick too.. that's my grandma but all she could do was talk about Diane and how she was never there... i was just like... she's gone just let it go but she kept going and going... why man... what difference does it make... she also told Uncle Robert that he should be thanking god for lifting this burden... i don't know how i feel about that statement... if i was with my wife for 54 i'd be a lot of things.. but grateful isn't one of them... i just thought it was the wrong thing to say....

it is a part of life though.... i'm such a selfish silly girl... i could have used just one more hug from my Aunt Bertha... but imma hold on to the ones she gave me while she was here.... I Love Ya'll 2 Lyfe..... Syol

knowing that death is a part of life sometimes offers no consulation when you lose a loved one... my grandmother called me this morning to tell me that Aunt Bertha had passed away... she didn't want to wake me last night... i just still don't want to know what to think of feel besides this sense of loss.... even though were supposed to be happy because their better off than we are... i'm going to miss her deeply... i remeber them apple cheeks... and big white teeth... she always had a beautiful smile for everyone... she was always glad to see ya like it was the first time she'd seen you in 10 years or something....

Aunt Bertha Mae... i loved her... she loved me.... she will be deeply missed.... Jata Nataki

Sunday, October 27, 2002

lol... i am laughing so hard at myself.. what the fuck is wrong with me sometimes.... rain makes me depressed... but anyway i went out to eat with off ass Ms. Toney... she called me non-stop last month and i finally had the strength to deal with her bullshit... she ain't gon be working me to death... i also went to the mall and i saw so many sistah's up in there... we just comin on out ain't we.. this one chick was on her cell phone talking bout.. imma come see you later... and then she started smiling at me and Ya-Ya... the world is a okay place when shit like that happens...

i'm thinking i might need some consuling cause my mood swings were so bad today.... i keep going from wanting to cuss everyone out to hugging on everyone... i feel sorry for the bank tomorrow because i'm not taking no fopr an answer... sorry.... they definitely gettin cursed out....and i'm on my period tooo.... soooooo..... sorry to the ones i love.... you know i'm harmless... and i think something in the house is making me sick... this isn't normal

don't make me slap you.... Syol...

it's only 2pm.... the rain is coming down.. the sky is dark... everyone is still alseep.... it's days like this i don't want to b alone... days like this where i feel alone and call a number that is etched in my brain.. man.. i hate being lied to ya'll... if she didn't lie i just might have done that.... love is somethin else for chicks like me

Lonley...Only... Syol

Saturday, October 26, 2002

I spent most of the afternoon at Mother Azi's today...she fed me lentils and soy and yellow rice and apple juice .. that shit was sooooo good man... Jambo is in school with his cute little dreadlocked self and he asked me to go to the UniverSoul Circus with him tomorrow... awwww... he is such a precious boy...

i'm scared to tell her i'm gay.. se keeps saying things like... getting a man... getting a lover.. do i have a boyfriend?... i think she knows.. she just waiting on me to go..."Well... ya see.. it's like this.. I cain't help myself... i like pussy and nuthin else." i don't know why i'm ascared because i know she'll understand.. but she's like a mother to me and her spiritual advice leads me in the right path.... i AM a geechee girl to the marrow.... the spirits make sense to me... i'm afraid that it will alter her view of me... she welcomes me into her home... and her heart ...and there are not many people who do that...

she told me that i have not been living up to my potential... that i am holding back and not listening to the spirit.. but that my time is coming... i thought to myself.. okay... why is it always coming.. i'm ready now dammit.. and she proceeded to ask me about my love life.. i'm like... Scooby Doo... rye don know?... i was just like.. well i'm single and just fucking around.. no biggie... i'm not really worried about that right now... all the good ones are taken.. she said she was going to take me to the islands and find me some dreadlocked dude...oh lawd... and then she told me not to move to New Orleans.. but i already prayed on that... it's a done deal....

I'm so messed up right now.... Syol

Thursday, October 24, 2002

i'm so tired right now... trying to read Paradise by Toni Morrison.. i didn't get it the first time.. i feel frail and careful like a lil old lady.. 2 weeks... still got the flu... i sound really bad but i feel okay during the day... i must have the ebola virus cause i've had a shot and everything but i still wake up choking... it begins with this short dream that i'm underwater.. and i wake up gasping and shit... it's too fucked up... i'm sick and tird of being sick and tired.. and tomorrow is friday too man... and i cain't eat shit but waffles and tea

last night like idiots i made my friends watch Lord of the Rings with me... so i am now banned from the Blocbuster video pickin circle.. sorry i thought it was gonna be awsome... i thought it was aight...

everyone is playing at touching my new things so i put them back in the box.. they can only touch under strict supervision.. i'm not ready to let go yet... lol... i am still fascinated by someone's pure kindness... it's not the things.. it's the meaning i suppose.. ... i'm getting clowned so bad...like Ringling Brothers... for being sentimental

well im bout to go yacking... and snackin.. and yackin again... so glad they caught those crazy muthafuckers... thats gonna be an interesting story...

oh and my next door neighbor said she was gonna kick my ass when she saw me... someone went and told her i called her a dyke.. which i did... cause she is... time cain't undo pussy eatin no matter how hard ya try.. but i didn't say it to be mean i was just making a point to a stupid person.. my bad.. i would apologize... but kick my ass??.. she must be on that shit.. i just laughed... she'll be walking back across that yard with 3 shoes...

2 on ya feet bitch.. 1 in ya ass.... u don't know who you fuckin wit.. lol...Syol

what is wrong with this thang??

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

i'm so happy right now... i figure if you can put happiness in a box... i got a box of happiness delivered to me today.. thanx ellelee.. i'm smiling like i should be in a colgate white strips commercial...

i was just anticipating a tape dispenser.. maybe a book or two.. but wow dude.. Santa ain't got nothing on you... i'm writing you a letter so i hope you get it soon it's full of my heartfelt appreciation... i just wonder what i did to deserve this...

feelings with no name.. emotions with no labels... Syol

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

in my grandmother's house she has this white jesus tapestry thingy... jesus has this long brown hair and crystal clear blue eyes and when i was little i would sit on the living room floor and just stare at that thing.. for hours..i thought Jesus was such a beautiful white man...

... then they switched me from public school to catholic school... lemme tell ya... stupid white people... HATE.. not dislike... but HATE... smart black people... and my religion teacher Mr. Arceneux made sure he let me know that i was black... and suceeded in convincing me that i was stupid... and he looked just like that white jesus in my grandma's tapestry...

day by day... i would stare at that white jesus tapestry... and as i grew up so many things happened to me, in that house, in that town, under white jesus's gaze..

the day before i left for virginia.. and man that's one of the few good memories i had of my childhood... i went to say my goodbyes to my grandma and took one last glimpse at white jesus.. and said to myself.. jesus... don't look like jesus to me.. i just figured some white dude needed someone to identify with...

and that's why... in my mind.. God is that great black lesbian in the sky... thanks for asking though...

Jesus luv's ya... Syol

the world is such a crazy place... kids can't even goto school because of one or two deranged people... i don't even want my mom to go to work... war everywhere.. just madness...

my grandma says her usual "...this is the end of days chile.."... i think it's only the beginning...

all my dc/md/va folks stay safe... i hope they catch him/them soon..

Syol

Monday, October 21, 2002

just when i thought it couldn't get any worse... hey it get's better.. surprise surprise i got a good evaluation at work... i thought it was some kind of joke.. but in the comments someone wrote that i was always a willing volunteer and always have a smile and positive attitude... they got me and somebody else mixed up obviously... but it's like report card day... really doesn't change anything.... i'm still outie 5000 G!!

i found out one of our fellow bloggers steals shit... i was surprised cause she is bold as hell to blog AND steal peoples shit... but oh well.. she must have her bizarre reasons... say it wit me now.... Mentalllll Illlnesssss... hey... don't play with me girl... I know people in Japan too..:)

...pineapples taste so good... byedie bye... Luv Syol

Sunday, October 20, 2002

how could he not believe that god is real
i don't understand how he could feel... that way

India Arie/GOD Is Real/Voyage To India


yeah it's growing on me... God is sososososo Real..Syol

and happy Sunday everyone...

Be Peaceful... say a prayer for the world

I Love You All...just the way you are.. ya freaks... Luv Syol :)

yip te dee.... ohhhh i had such a bangin time last night... besides walking 3000 miles.. but it was cool

Me'Shell was awsome.. the music was bangin... the DJ had it rockin up in there.. they need to play that kinda music all the time.. you could tell all the real fans cause we knew the words to every damm song.... she played Outside Your Door, Dig You Like An Old Soul Record, An new song that aiin't come out yet but it was about how can your god be better than another man's and it had a reggaee vibe to it (tight), ummm she played They Way (everybody went crazy), and she played Earth... the crowd was all vibin to it.... energy was cool.. as an encore she did Pocketbook (that's alright)...

the women were "oh my god" this one chick was like... so cute... her name is Deja but that girl look like Jill Scott.. she came up to me and was like.. "You must be shy" ... awww... so sweet... i could barely talk cause my vocal chords was fucked up... she musta liked that shit though cause i sounded like i was a stud... which i'm so not... but it didn't help that i had my cap and a plaid shirt on... man i could pull that shit off so good... everybody was lookin at me crazy so i don't know if they was lovin the look or hatin it... the only bad thing is that the women expect you to come up to them after they throw the little signals and all... but thare was 2 things wrong with that.... i had a total iof $4.72 and her that'll only get 1 drank and secondly i could barely talk.. i was feeling good but everything came out in spirts and i was kinda self-conscious about it...

anyways after the concert we went to Bourbon and she wanted to go home with me but i was like... noooooo.... slow down... i cain't take the heat.... i was diggin her too... but damm there are serrial killers in the world girl... but she's from around Southhaven... so i'm not sure about that... Mississippi girls are something else and i ain't takin care of nooooobodyyyyy... no offense Miss. ladies... but she was nice when she was sober and the kisses were luscious....

Ya-Ya and Felisha.. ya'll suck so bad man.. sleep with one eye open nigga... lol

i like being single so much... it works for me... i don't know why... once you get over the lonely part... the rest is FREEDOM!!!... maybe i just ain't met the right one yet... but man last night i had so much fuckin fun and i ain't have to deal wit 0 attitude or emotion besides my own.. no "What the fuck are you doin?"... no "You make me sick!"... no "What the hell are you lookin at Jata?"... man i was checkin out, i was pimping, i was socializing, i was havin fun man... and i felt like i was supposed to feel... young and bad... that's what it's all about.... so ya'll don't feel sorry for me cause i cain't find nobody... stop trying to hook me up... i'll find her.. believe dat.... but right now an girl is in lesbo heavin havin fuuuuunnnnnnnn!!!!!!

see Me'Shell make shit alright

slow down.....i cain't take the heat...slow down... Luv Syol

Saturday, October 19, 2002

i really hate it when my words don't wanna at right. i think i may be mildly retarded because how hard can it be to write a poem?? I'm figuring i don't do well under pressure... same reason my momma almost killed herself scuba diving.. i hear that clock ticking away and it dams my creative flow.. therefore i could never EVER be a writer... Stephen King... how do ya do it??

i got up so happy this morning even though the first thing i did was run to the bathroom before anyone got up. I swear.. 3 women, 1 bathroom.. not the best of ideas... but i'm going to see Me'Shell tonight.. i'm elated beyond elation... i got to go get a fly outfit just in case Ms. Right.. (or Right Now.. it don't matta) shows up... i hope she doesn't mind a lil yacking here and there... but at least my nose isn't scrubbed off.... and thank god for chapstick...

well shit nothing much has gon on this week... it's been boring ass hell... but the leaves are falling and i just sit and look at them fall outside my wimdow... i took a picture.. with the digicam... but how we get em off the camera we don't know... i've tried.. that's what i get for being cheap... i need a mac like the girl in the commercial...

well enuf bullshit for the week... i love ya'll.. have a good un... Syol

Friday, October 18, 2002

Me'Shell is gonna make it all all right my friend.. all fuckin right

you never really appreciate your health until you are down in the dumps... and right now i'm a landfill... i know i look so bad but i don't really care..

i finally fessed up and bought a digital camera for 39.95 at Wal-Mart.. but the fucker don't wanna act right... i also bought Voyage to India and so far i only like 2 songs.. i'm thinking it'll grow on me... besides that man i am so wasted it ain't even funny.. i ache in places people ain't supposed to ache and everybody is acting like i'm pretending...

like yeah... i'm yacking up green shit and you think i'm playin muthafucka.. i swear people are getting on my last nerves.. i'm bout ready to slap this boy who keeps coming to my door looking for Sonya... i just told him.. "look.. she don't live here... don't come back" and i slammed the door... i'm just like... please leave me alone.. i don't like to be touched and coody-cooed when i'm ill.. i just wanna sleep.. people try to make you do shit... i'm just like.. hey.. leave a nigga b... maybe i'm just an ungrateful bitch

yes... ungrateful bitch... that's me... Syol

Thursday, October 17, 2002

i am sick as a dog and have been for the past few days.. but today was definitely better than yesterday.. i feel like Uma Thurman in Les Miserables.. needlesss to say.. nothing witty to say and nothing worth talking about has happened besides the everyday..

help me....... Syol

Monday, October 14, 2002

hi kids...:) .. just kidding... guess what...go ahead guess... okay, i'll give ya a hint..

wee-wee... still haven't gotten it yet??......

I'm going to Paris!!... the real actual Paris like in the movies... i'm so freakin happy... it's no South Africa.. but it's still Paris.. and i think were going to Italy and some other places while were in Europe so it should be awsome.. thanx to mommy.. she luvs me.. i'm think she's making up for leaving us so alone as children.. and working nonstop for 15 years... but she doesn't know that i admire her for that cause she gave us that life even though my dad wasn't around to help out.. she's tough like me...

but i'm going to Paris.. i hope gay people live there and there's like a gay part of Paris... and you know the black women are beautiful there.... i feel like Josephine Baker sans bananna skirt... Effiel Tower here i's come....

J'adore vous....... Syol

Sunday, October 13, 2002

hopefully blogger won't fuck up on me again...

it's been a busy 2 days... i wonder how i can b so busy and yet move so slowly.. how i can finish something yet forget what it was i was working on.. yesterday was Kayla's 3rd birthday... it was nice.. there was a clown and Kayla ran for the hills.. she is scarred for life... Kiley was there and we talked but it was so awkward.. i don't know if it's me or her..she's still my nigga thoough..

today has been artistically creative to say the least even though i drifted in and out of sleep until 1 o'clock this afternoon.. poetry and art was runnin through my brain.. making me get up every few minutes to write something on the back of a magazine with a broke ass #2 pencil..... seeing as i was too lazy to get up and hunt an actual pen..

i swear that shit won't rest in my head.. like that time i had stayed with Sonya and Aesha and she'd wake me up at 5 am with a box of cereal and a jug of milk sitting on the floor.. she could get the cereal off the top of the fridge.. she could get the bowl and spoon out of the dishrack.. she could even get the milk out.. but she would not feel right if she poured the milk without an adult's approval.. that child was some beautiful i swear she was... and she'd sit at that table at 5am eating her cereal just as quiet.. why do kids always have it so together.. i think we fuck them up..

i had some of the strangest dreams.. don't ask me what it was about... a voice kept asking me.. "What are you doing? What is this?" ...over and over again.. and i was just walking around this forest telling myself not to be afraid.. and i scared as a mug but i kept walking even though i could not feel my feet... and little baby people would be living on the tops of tree stumps and each of them had something to say to me... the fuck if i know what that was about..

i found out what the symbol was on Madonna's shoulder... it was love.. still working on the killing your ego thang... i remember Me'Shell saying something about it on Ed Gordon... i'm fascinated i just haven't had the time to research it...

my mom hasn't called so i guess i'll try and reach her tonight.. she went to Hedonism II in Negril.. that freak of nature.. i see where i get it from...lol... Felisha and Ya-ya are supposed to be coming home today so no more quiet nights.. and i have to call my brother... i don't know why i've been avoining him.. i think it's cause he sounds like my father... i love him though.. '

and besides that i am in fear of this wierdo in NOVA/DC/MD.. so many that i love live there.. i mean damm... it's beyond crazy.. and i just wonder what he's pissed about because this had to have been planned for quite awhile...

and someone told me my blog was too sexual... suck my dick you son of a bitch

that's all (...and nothing at all) folks.. Luv Syol

Friday, October 11, 2002

I am really loving Madonna's new video… metaphorically killing her ego.. hmmm.. makes ya think.. so many people talk about killing your ego.. what does that mean?.. is it like the absence of self-consciousness.. or the absence of pride.. or both..

while I believe there is absolutely no need for self consciousness since it keeps me from doing so many things that make life "LYFE" .... pride has kept me alive every time I thought about pressing the barrel of a gun to my proverbial temple (i.e. suicide in it's various forms) damm that is a scary word.. suicide…

I must read up on the subject however.. my ego has been my friend.. the friend that makes me believe I am beautiful, the friend that makes me believe that I deserve the best in this life.. that i'm not a TOTAL dick

but is he that friend who tells you that your doing the right thing as you place your mother in the nursing home.. that friend that tells you "she'll hurt you anyway" as you hold back love from your beloved and never say what's truly in your heart lest you look like a damm fool.. is he the reason I am a pussy slave? Just tryna b luved and all?? don't know..

what is that yiddish symbol tattoed on her arm?… I'll let you guys know what I've discovered..

besides that very regular ole.. auto-pilot like a mug.. Meshell will be here in 8 days… and I'm writing a poem for the poetry contest at ClubPheline even though I'm simply diggin N's "I Believe In Yesterday" (brilliant)(10/18/02 found out she was a lit stealing hoe... so fuck her or him).. and my bun it tight as a mug.. the last time I let Felisha do my hair.. just playin girly

everyday of my life though.. I b alone with a broken heart… Luv Syol

Thursday, October 10, 2002

it was so cute.. today i picked up Paris from school ...and Fiesta was playing on the radio ...but i had turned it down because she was telling me about recess.. so she stopped talking and started singing along with the song.. and she's singing "..feed esther, feed esther.." lol... it was hilarious.. i said "Baby it's fiesta like in spanish.. remember when me and Kiley taught you that word?" .. and she's thinking and goes.. oh yeah.. and she's laughing away.. and then she goes "Jata, i thouight that song was about feeding a bird.." . i'm just like whut??... i got some crazy relatives...

feed esther, feed esther... priceless... Luv Syol

people don't chat no mo...

i can't sleep..and i would rather stick pins in my eyes than chat on blackplanet.. one time i dated a girl from online and it didn't work out.. it was cool in the beginning.. she was a sweetie.. but one day i opened opened up her MSN Messenger while she was at work and this chickwich had 85 people on her buddy list.. 85 people!!.. how you gon talk to 85 people at one time??...but i stuck with her ass..

a month later her friend told me i was the 8th internet girl she had dated in the past year.. lol.. i was just one of her hoes in different area codes....i thought i was special?? *dying laughing* ... but by that time i was $1,800+ dollars poorer and 1800lbs of emotional baggage heavier...that asshole.. she fucked me up for internet chattin.. but now i look back on it and that shit is so fuckin hilarious.. plus she was a really good person.. i give her that.. we just got caught up

but chatting has also really changed.. i think it's because i'm gettting older.. i used to lie sometimes.. about silly stuff.. like my finances ( i cain't tell you how many times i was ballin outta control).. or my weight or some shit (yeah.. i'm 114.. puhleeze) but these lil girls be lying about some serious shit and carrying that shit out till the point where they get married and they find out some serious shit... like this one girl had the girl come all the way to New York and this nigga was livin in the projects with 4 kids and then she practically robbed the girl and stuff.. and my cousin married this guy and he said he was in the military.. so she married him...that boy working a Wal-Mart right now.. but they love each other

i mean past a certain point.. tell the truth.. don't be lying and getting people get cut up and devastaed and shit.. if you in a wheelchair let me know... don't have me lookin around the airport.. and you the one cruisin on wheels.. i'll roll you around the mall.. but i gotta be prepared.. and utimately it really don't matter.. i'd rather you hate me for who i am rather than love me for who i am not.... (another brown thought)... but these people be lyinnnnn.. you know you ain't no stripper if you online at 12pm on a Saturday.. ain't you supposed to be at work??.. but hey.. do yo fantasy thang.. imma stop hatin.. i've just grown up and i hate being lied to

i don't think i have the strength to go through that shit again... Ya-ya tell me i need-a-guh, need-a-guh, need-a-guh like Cedric tha Entertainer.. i'll wait until i move and join the lavender lesbians for christ or some shit.. lol.. i'm straight trippin right now

but them niggas crazy.. and why you gotta be stud or femme??.. i don't know what i am.. i just wanna talk and get to know you.. like Me'Shell...

night ya'll.. i am so wired.. seriously... Syol

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

finally a decent interview day.. i wasn't shuffled through like Millie the Cow...and the human resources lady was sweeter than sweet and told me she would process my paperwork asap...and call in 1 or 2 days.. somebody is getting ready to kiss my ass...

other than that if your reading this and are not a member of the Pheline Discussion Group, please join.. it rockz.. no dumb shit like who's the cutest B2K member *whispering* (:D that lil twistie plait one).. intelligent blaq gay grrrl stuff goin on in there.. it's awsome.. seriously.. plus there's this picture on the front... yeeaaaahhhh!!

and to my sista brown.. i love yo ass gurl... like solid rock hard

The Brown Philosophy

I thought of asking you so many questions
Cause new life is being found
I wanted to question the philosophy of
The wondrous color brown

But I knew you'd have no explanation
Cause it means what it means to you
And knowledge of self stems from self-exploration
And that's what a woman must do

So walk through the streets, de temps en temps
Of my lil ole bayou town
And of the many thoughts that roll through my brain
I ponder the secrets of brown

And as I walk along, the roots of an oak
Jut through the hard concrete
That tree stands taller than taller than tall
And the roots run centuries deep

I smile the largest, and shake my head
And think of my warrior friend
And I think of those roots defying their "bounds"
And I understand brown again

So I go home and pray to our so loving god(s)
My hands clasped tightly in prayer
I look at the backs of my little brown hands
And I see the beauty there

I am so green as the grass underfoot
So without the earth I cease to be
And my friend reminds me day to day
Of her brown philosophy

So thankful am I for words shaping art
They are like no other found
There is light and art and solace in
That wonderous color brown

I'll catch ya'll lata.... i am wired today.. what is going on??.... Luv Syol


Tuesday, October 08, 2002

does anyone remember those summer days when you were little maybe 9 or 10 when all us little girls would be together playing double dutch, swimming, eating, dancing .. whutever from dusk till dawn.. and every girl in the neighborhood would be there.. and it didn't matter who you were.. fat/skinny, pretty/ugly, boyish/girly-girl, black/latino/white/caribbean, blackberri black or mike jackson white, it aint matter if yo house was the best on the block or if your people had roaches for days.. as long as you could jump, or turn, or just stand there singing and stomping ya feet wishing had rhythm (that was my ass) ... shit all you really had to do was come out the house.. we was all sistas.. and we had our fights.. and our drama.. but we was still sistas just double-dutching, gossiping, laughing, crying, swimming, fighting, makin up, laughing, and double-dutching again our days away... we was sistas.. wasn't those summers the bomb yall?

i just wanted to refresh ya memory... Luv Syol

Monday, October 07, 2002

yeah... i got my baby back, baby back, baby back... i'm so happy.. thank yall for all those nice emails.. i was so lonely...

Luv Syol

Sunday, October 06, 2002

Slowly #2

In my dreams I move slowly
I can breathe
Life is too fast for me
Yeah...I feel my feet touching the ground
My cell doesn't ring
People get a good look at me
Before they judge
And I can sing
The wind slowly carrying the notes
"**….and I picked up a joy to my face, my heart beats faster than the regular pace….."
Love is, in my dreams
Something I rarely get to touch
And it's so soft I just look at it
Cause everything I touch, I break
Delicacy is not my thang
I love like grass
Never giving up under pressure
Hairs on my head peeking through cracks in concrete
But grass loves only the elements
My world, man made
Created,
Masterpieces projected on a walls and copied
Consistency can be verified by the heart
And the same watered down drink you give me
Slowly seeps back in your mouth though my kiss
In my dreams I move so slowly
I have enough time to know you
Before you pass by
I have enough time to know what I'm missing
I have enough time to make up with you
And we remain friends
Cause in a fast world
I move slowly
Only for you
You'll never have problems catching up with me

Syolie

Sunday.....i went to church today but didn't stay for mass.. i just stepped in early this morning for a prayer.. i have many and i don't think i need to go to church for God to heah me.. but it was more for the atmosphere of quiet that i am not getting here at home.. even when noone is here which is rare..the house is still jumpin.. peoples energy is still here.. and that's not a bad thing.. i'm just down i guess..

i said my prayers.. asked for a blessing for Amina Lawal... or her persecutors rather.. i really pray for our sista.. if they kill her i will never ever set foot in that fuckin country...

Ronnie is due home tomorrow.. she calls everyday to make sure i'm not trippin.. i never trip.. i get tripped on.. she told me i better not look like a gorilla when she got home.. lol.. i've been eating up a storm.. but ain't shit else to do sometimes.. plus i be feeling sad... it's either eat or sleep.. ya know.. everythang is sort of difficult right now...

i miss you even though you hurt a nigga..

and i'm beyond you peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head..
cause some day you are gonna get hurgry
and eat most of the words ya just said...
(Ani DiFranco/ 32 Flavors)

Luv God, Luv Lyfe, Luv Yoself
Syol

Friday, October 04, 2002

i'm not one for propaganda and advertising.. but after watching Oprah today i was really moved by this and other women's stories..please read Amina Lawal's story and write to President Olusegun Obasanjo of Nigeria to stop this injustice... Syol

we drove around town today.. did not see much more than some broke up trees.. Latonya and Felisha helped me clean up the yard.. thanx ladies.. nothing else really.. i've been sleeping more than anything.. this morning i got up like i was actually going to work.. like that internal clock.. i was brushing my hair and everything.. then i pulled the hanger out of the closet and i was like.. you idiot you don't have to go to work today.. it's so boring.. so freakin boring..

i've just been chillin.. i'm kinda liking it though.. this morning i opened the window and felt the cool breeze on my skin.. i felt beautiful for awhile.... it was better than 95% of the sex i've had in my life..

No words to say.. no words to convey. these feelings inside.. i have for you.. Tracy Chapman.. forgot the name

Luv Yo Sista (yeah u:) Syol

Thursday, October 03, 2002

hey ya'll.. i just thought this was too cool... foot fotos linked from the Mood Indigo site..

Free at las'..Free at las'...thank god i ain't have to kick they ass

Been quite a freakin day.. tryin to hold onto my lil smile here.. i did not know that daytime television sucked such ass.. i was going stir crazy with 8 people in a confined space constantly asking me where things are.. and going through all my lil thangs.. you know when people come to your house you really realize how patient you can be.... i was running aroud de-sex and de-gay and de-voodooing my house..i got the kind of relatives that think everythang is the devil... i'm going to miss them.. but i was glad they went home..

i tried to de porno the computer... buti think Reanja was looking cause she was on this mug a long time... and kept jumping up when i came in to get something... and befo ya'll talk i'm not the only one who be downloadin it.. this computer is like the damm library computer....

some of the alligators got loose from Keilberts and Mr. David and the police was driving around town telling the kids to look out.. it was funny... Mrs Pat was cussing them out .... all the kids are still playin out in the street.. those dummy's...

hey did yall hear about those boys in Miluwakee?.. really disturbing.. and those shootings in Maryland?.. what's goin on??..

... i had a poem to post but it's kinda inappropiate... god i miss sex so freakin bad.. i gots needs.. 1 week 4 days 7 hours some kinda minutes... i am wound up so tight i have a one track mind right now... like should i call?.. should i not call?... it's like my pussy is beggin for one more chance... and i'm telling that bitch *talking to my crotch* .."leave me the fuck alone!!"... why did i think this would be easy?... it feels like going through withdrawl..lol.. somma ya'll feel me.. those that don't.. u lucky bastards

now i'm all by myself... everybody got somebody.. and i got myself.. that's good enuf i guess...Luv Syol

whew that wind in blowinnnn... it might be a hurricane but leave it to us to make a party out of it.. last night we was getting down at Cynthias...we all got in the car to get some daquries(sp)... and spent the night talking about each other

i brought up that time Shawn was dating that guy in the wheelchair i said "Gurl you cain't even keep one in a wheelchair. Now how a nigga in a wheelchair gon run out on ya?"... awww.. she was talking about me having a different girl at every family reunion...lol.. that ain't my fault though.. my next girlfriend gonna be a good christian girl..

other than that.. everybody's sleep but me and Xa whose trying to type here with his little baby hands.. he so cute!!.. i hope to have some poems posted at the end of the day but Reanja be hoggin my shit...oh yeah and Aunt Terry is all in a chicks ass... Mimi is like.. what is she lookin at?...

sunny days..everybody loves them..tell me baby can you stand tha rain...Luv Syol

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

the storm is now a Catagory 4... i hope it doesn't come our way cause Mimi is going to be "fuckie fucked" like she says... i swear we spent the whole day at work on the phone with our prespective shoreline relatives... i made Mimi come stay with me...

I'm going to have a house full this time.. Mimi and Xavier, Uncle Leo, Aunt Terry, Patience, and Kimberly, i think Erin and Brittany, and my cuz Reanja.. are coming to spend the next 1 or 2 days.. i love having my family around but sometimes i find myself holding my breath cause everybody start telling those stories about when i was a kid and all the crazy shit i did...i know their gonna be wondering if Mimi is my woman... everybody else is at Madear and Aunt Cynthias i don't think we'll get it too bad.. and if we do we'll go to Meridian and stay with the chickens

now i have to go clean the house... see ya lata... pray fo me... Syol

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

2day.. very regular ole.. had to engage in idiotic small talk with the new guy.. he looks like Opie and talks like a sk8er (is that how u spell it?) boy.. he kept going "..awww thats so awsome".. i wanted to slap him but i caught myself starting to do it after a while.. still looking for a new job.. and now i have to decide between a new car and a new apartment.. Mustang guy has a 97 convertible and he only wants 1000 down on it and thats my moving money??...hmmmm?? opinions welcome!!

bydie bye... Luv Syol