i think in life you got to be open.... wide open... like your left leg wrapped around your lovers waist.... you gotta be willing to try things.... wierd shyt.... crazy shyt.... things your momma told you not to do..... like i said... you gotta take a deep breath... open... b wide open....

i think i got a friend..... Lisa... and i take 1 step... sometimes 2 at a time with her... and she takes some with me...

were standing outside in the rain... waiting for the slow ass St Particks Day floats to pass by... but.... she dont complain... whine about.. "I wanna go hooommmeeee!!" we just standing there chillin... i'm staring at her ass.... smilin.. laughin... talkin... she says "Yeah, like i was at home for a really long time... wishin i had a friend, like a nice female friend... nobody straight.. cause what if i want to do something with her.. ya know"

when she be talkin like that i i think to myself... is that all i'm good for?... and then she says ".. but i really like you.... i think this here is gonna be a long-term relationship.. yeah.. i think we gonna b 2gether a long time..." with that smile... killer baby!!... and with that.. i wanna say "so what about love?" but she has already said... at least twice... that a relationship takes time.... and she realizes that this is realty and that nothing and nobody is perfect.... that a relationship... any relationship is work...

and i feel old jata... young jata... heart jata.... relenting to new jata... older jata... thinking jata.... and before i open my lips to speak... say something like... "i dont know if i can do this here.... share someone i love with the rest of the world... and for her to be willing to share me... to have this friend/lover/partner.. all rolled into one and not expect to gobuck wyld at the sight of her and someone else.... i dont know if i'm THAT strong or crazy... that open.... its like DAMM... i really dont kno"......the new jata whispers.... Patience.... this is what you wished for.... what you asked prayed for... no ties that bind.... thats whut u said.... just love you like you need to be loved... thats what you said....

and i ask myself.... so what do you really want??.... and i realize that i'm still tryin to figure this whole thing out.... dont block a blessin come to mind.... i realize i'm okay for now... Lisa is like being wide open... and at least shes honest and not playin any stupid games.... i realize i wanna learn what it is that she is here to teach me... she said that god sent me into her life for a reason.... and i know she has been sent into mine for a purpose... i wanted to say "i just wanna learn with you... i wanna figure lyfe out a little bit so i can understand myself... i wanna be good to you... i wanna be better... i wanna work with you... i want you to let me try" but all that is lost in a jumble in my head... entangled in memories of past failures and unhealthy engagements/arrangements.... maybe a letter?

Patience... Forgiveness... and Love........... <3 Syol

theres no place i'd rather be... your beauty is surrounding me... from your tears black orchids bloom... my syol is fed by you..... sweet paradise... Earth/Meshell Ndegeocello/ Cookie: The Anthropological Mixtape

what can i say ladies..... the things that have happened to me since Feb12 2004.... i wonder if youd even believe me if i said it aloud..... all i can say is that i'm open.... i'm riding the wave.... so imma break it down

Feb 8th or 9th... i come home and kick a little piece of paper... "Whut the f$$k?".... there goes my anonoymous neighbor again with these notes... what is is this time.... the TV's too loud??... or the music???..... the bath water??... maybe i should stop walking on the floor... whuteva.... BUT this letter is in an envelope and not tapes to the door knocker with a litttle funky piece of scotch tape... this 1 .... is in an envelope

"Hi this is your neighbor Lisa.... i was wondering if youd like to go out with me sometime... maybe some Mardi Gras parades or something... the best time to call me is Wednesdays or anytime after 12. Thank You, Lisa" or somethin like that...

... and so that was the beginning.... and i'm thinking what the hell did i do to deserve all this stuff going on.... but i aint complainin.... i'm just riding that wave baby.... gimme whut u got....