and thanx Odobea that was nice of you :)

dear god,

this is your wayard daughta Jata Free. first i'd like to say that i have greatly enjoyed entertaining you these last 24 years... with my fumblins and oh so entertaining interactions with your other kids... let's not forget the time i got in that fight with that big ass girl Shante in the 7th grade and fell in the bushes with my drawz showin and that time i got the chicken beak in my egg mcmuffin... i know that was yo ass... but back to what i was sayin... it's been very cool enterting you and i know i be keepin you rollin... but this latest series of events... sooooo not funny.. you killin me god... come'on naw..... stop playin.... lol.....

yo nigga fo lyfe... and whatever comes next.. Syol

i'm no chain around your ankles
i'll only set you free
so it perplexes my mind that you
have made a warden of me

i don't know... everything i touch.. i break... Syol

i only have one word for you...... Frida

ughhhh... people and money... why are people trying to seperate you from your money?? why do we even have to have money... i'm thinking about growing vegtables and living in a big ass sequioa (how you spell that shit??) tree with that Butterfly person... i don't know... light bills suck

my web skills suck ass... i'm getting old i suppose... and i just don't have the energy... web for dummies ain't my thang... sorry about all these changes...

seeee.. i'm not just dreaming...




I'm exceptionally artistic!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

leave ya'll wit a lil sumethin sumethin... and don't be copying missy poo... you know who you are.. but i still love yo crazy ass :)

The Geechee Girl

i was born 7 days. after the old moon. my place in the world. unbound by the traditions of my blood. chicken bones aloe and dances for. my people up deah."up deah chile… don't forget". i was born right at the end of . sugarcane and strawberries right offa the field. i only had little brown hands stained red. from eating more than i picked. 2 day tans. old folks sqeezin that fat red baby."Looka dat smile they gonna break her down.be careful. she luv 2 much"

i was born 7 moons too soon. the patterns of the old wasting away.under the weight of. heavy overpriced fabric.made popular by. commercials and.models posed everso (u think that's u huh??).my strange doins.made stranger by my loss of english or ebonix
to the tounge of an orisha I never met.but be in me, she b. the cross of my forehead. Ntzoke Shange lines and rhymes. my bleedin heart. plugged temporarily. by herbs, prayers, silence and inhaled texts old and new. or. when i just got confused. covered completely. cause I learned how to get along. smiles and talk without substance. the dumbing down of the mind."Why they hate me?"
be somebody else I'll be

I got so many secrets. one was that I was born. 7 moons too soon. I figured it out… piece by piece.off, throwed, strange, hippie, voodoo, witch, white people shit, okay???, dumb, problems, dyke, mannish, hott, freak, confused, just plain weird.synonymous with me.
Finding
Where I belong

among the moss and roses and on the 7th moon. cause beyond da skieee it ain't too soon.out dere on the 7th moon. and they speak my talk.and love my walk up there.cause they move slow. and they know. and I don't b soooo alone… sooo alone. just me and my bag of chicken bones

i'm a geechee girl. making you roll your eyes at me. but be scared of me. and come to me when noone is looking. looking for a luv reflection. my green skirt draggin. bare feet laggin. just above the ground (and just below the water). and I give it too you. i cain't help. it…. I luv you too much. even though u made me bleed. made me see…never get close to a human.
But you know…
That I know…
That I know…
That you know…
Imma still come out clean
Imma still be a queen.. imma still say what I mean
Geechee girl… to the marrow
It make sense to me

Jata Nataki Syol Free

wow.... so many people have told me that i was throwed off i'm starting to believe that shit.. but beyond believing that i'm just starting to accept it and act a fool... above Ntzoke Shange lines and rhymes... but Chris Rock statements like... "ha ha hell"... and "what can i get for shree-fiday??".... cause i ain't got no money... that makes me crazy... i am crazy.... and goddammit that's okay.. cause i'm good enuf.. smart enuf.. and gosh darnit.. i don't give a fuck...

finally the Lesbian and Gay Alliance Against Defimation is doing something about workplace rights in louisiana... i haven't come out yet but i have a feeling it'll be a surprise... i met a lesbian coworker today and she couldn't tell either.. at least i don't think she did... but i was so happy to meet her... i hope louisiana can get it's shit together.... oh.. and i found a place to see Freida...my coworker "D" (sorry work for the guvment) told me about it and he and his wife invited me to go with them on Friday... i like my working peoples... but my office still looks like box and paper city... i just don't have decorating energy... i'm still wondering what i'm doing really.... imma be aight

and ya'll don't get mad at me if i disappear all the sudden... AOL might just snip off the services and we can't find Sean to hook us up again... he's a genius... Brother Poindexter Johnson @-@... i love that fool...lol... but i'll be back and blogging again as soon as i get my self settled in the new apartment.. shouldn't be more than 2 weeks or so... i know the 3 people that read this are gonna miss me:)... lol...

sooooo..... check out the archives and shit.... i got serious problems... read about it :)... go visit my fryends... they're such intelligent ladies (and a man).... and be you.. be happy... be strong... be free....

this world done changed.. since i been conscious (E.Badu/Mammas Gun #8 or 9 i think)... Jata Free

don't you hate it when people say certain shit.... i.e... "See whut you neeeeeddddd ta do!!"

Biaaaaatch.... who the fuck are you to tell me what i need to do... i'm fuckin grown... that girl made me trip out. she lucky i don't really mess with stupid people too much... whut i need to do??... i was like... i know you ain't talkin about me... i may not got my shit all together but 'm leaps and bounds above her ass i'm sure. and then had the nerve to just get up in the car like i was GON take her home.. i was like... hottttt!!... my life is so shitty... why i got to deal with these people... why ain't i got friends like on Girlfriends... and the girls i know like that got maniac fuckin 6'10 jealous ass girlfriends and cain't come out the house and shit... or their online like a jillion miles away so i cain't be like... "Hey gurl/man/nigga... what you doin for lunch??"... so messed up man...

ohhhh ya'll.. you just don't know what kinda month November has been

on a brighter note... i got a lil sunshine if ya know what i mean... it was like being pushed in a pool though.. she made me practically.. she lied though and wall telling me some shit about me being her first (woman).. i was like... great.. and after smokin a lil too much... that shit be soundin like the truth...lol... but it was aight... it felt like love for a minute... i don't know... i got so many problems in the pussy department... i just lose my mind... anyone else with this prob??... anyone??... but it wasn't love... i'm not dumb... or naive(sp)... i just be wanting to feel like i exist and some else exists and that i'm real and people are real... and i'm not just imagining i have skin... plus i be horney asss hellllll......... i know i shouldn't talk about this.. but i know somebody else out there is going through this shit... i'm with ya girl ;)... make love to another just to ease the pain

must be love that whispers in my ear (Ricki Lee Jones/Must B Love).... Sunday Syol

okay peoples.... seeing as i'm into this little thing called freedom.. life without restraint... (just don't hurt nobody).. i'm giving you the power to choose... at least a lil bit...

so if you want black-n-white... u got black-n-white, you want green baby... you got green baby... you can change the color int he corner somewhere off to the right.... see your gurl do nethang fo ya....

so heah ya go my sweet readin peeps, man i luv ya'll asses.... Syoli Canoli

man my shit is so messed up...

la la la la la......la la la la la.... that's all i really have to say right now.... i'll hit ya'll lata

Luv Syoli

mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo mire en el espejo


sometimes i'm scared of my own reflection.. it tells me what's going on with me... i look at the mirror ever morning when i brush my teeth and wash my face and do my nappy head but i rarely look in the mirror past 9:30 am unless it's a glance... i b scared of what i might see... like.. "Babygirl... what happened to you??" i'm so transparent with the expression.. my body never lets me down.. my face always tells the truth... and reminds me that i'm not way far from where i started emotionally 3 years ago.. the smile that covered up so much shit is still there.... but it ain't hidin much no more... you can tell it's fake now...

my syol got tired of lyin i suppose... Syolie-laugh 2gether/cry 2gether-Free

man.... my manager is a gay ass trip.. he made me make up a song about em'

like to heah it.. heah it go... anytime he say some if that crazyoff the wall shit to me like i'm stupid or something... i go

"Thaaaaatssss whyyyy you get it up tha ass.. that why you get it up that azzzzzzzzzzz!!"

contrary to popular belief... i do still have some brain cells left...... i caint stand being treated like i'm dumb just cause somebody else got self-esteem and control issues.... but i think he need to get laid...

jezus loves me... this a nigga know... Syol

Syoli

2 steps in the door i get a call

Me: Hello
Ron's fuckin ass: Hey Jata, whut you just got in?(like he ain't see my shit drive up)
Me: Yeah, whut u wont? (pissed off)
Ron: Man i'm having a serious nicotine fit ova here...
Me: Uhh.. huh... so whaut u wont me 2 do??
Ron: Well ugh u ain't got no money?
Me: (lyinnnnnn.... like shit) Nope
Ron: U lyin you ain't go NO money??
Me: at the bank.. but i don't have any cash...
Ron: so you caint write no check or nothin??
Me: Ron.... ( a serious pause) whut the fuck is your problem..

and the other day he told his neice that i loved him.... ewwww... i gotta stop this shit....

other than that... everything is so cool.... i work with some sweet helpful intelligent people... *knock on wood*..

stay da fuck up out my bisnasss.... Syol

1st day at the guv'ment

queens and copies... my supervisor is somethang else... and seeing as i don't kow how computer savy he is i ain't gon talk about his ass.... but lawd.. pray for me people...

everybody else up in there is chill... cool... i like it alright...

ughh.. i'm speechless about everything else going on in life... like.. seriously speechless....

aww shit.. bye ya'll... Syol

lol.... why must we be the test subjects for straight womens fanatsies... Ron's cousin Tomeka was all on me today.. asking me all these questions and shit and touching all up on me... she fine as a mug too.. i was like.. girl.. don't play... she told me she wasn't playin... i wished so bad Ya-Ya was there cause she wouldn't have believed me... that's the chick we be gettin smoke from sometimes... but she got a kid and shit and she live back in them projects.. i was like... we can kick it.. but you ain't settlin in at the crib... does that make me a dog??.. she asked me to come to her house for dinner... man.. i was so tempted.. but i had to go to the mall...

for real i ain't even gon be livin here much longer so why get started in another hook up i know ain't goin nowhere... i've been with too many straight girls to not know what drama i'm in for... and a nigga ain't in luv so.. sorry baby... but i'll tap it... maybe not??... naw.. i will... need to stop lyin and tell the truth.... i'm in reckless mode right now... don't ask me why??.. i'm trying to figure it out my damm self...

i need to grow up for real.. i don't know if i ever shown this side of myself to ya'll but it's in me.. and it's honest... i don't know what's up with me lately.. i got a fuck it attitude... i know what's up with me but it's so stupid.. Saturday was seriously stupid... i won't ever do that shit again.... fuck it.... i'm trippin....

i wanna get a tattoo.. a cross on the back of my neck.. it's $250.00 at the shop here.. but i want like a famoust tattoist to do it.. like a work of art... me and Sonya were going to get angels wings but we forgot to get drunk first...lol plus i hate my back....

and lawd i took some pictures today and i look like Fat Albert's retarded sister... i looked so ugly i was beating Sonya up for not telling me i was so ugly this morning.... my aunt told me they weren't that bad but have you ever seen a picture of yourself and wondered who the fuck that is??... damm... but oh well....

please forgive my ramblings, i got problems ya'll, u have no idea..... Syoli

6:30- i can't believe the things i do sometimes...

the naps in my scalp have taken over.... its time for braids again... i was all embarassed when someone tried to run their fingers in my hair... just cause it looks okay doesn't mean it is... i am so depressed right now... coming off my high and a buzz that was good as fuck but reached it's peak at 2:15 or so... that shit had me dancing... i don't dance...ever.... i can't remember what happened but i woke up in the car... sleeping like a baby... why am i writing this??..... so i won't ever forget... i was a young woman with control issues... i was lost.... and that will only make sense if i ever find myself

i want to remember the good and the bad... remember, remember, remember...

Livin in a world that's oh so strange... boi don't let your focus change (E. Badu/Mammas Gun) Syol

sometimes it feels so good just to sleep.... me and Paris and Taylor and Khalid fell asleep in my bed and it felt like being in a birds nest... i love those lil guys... but they get on my fuckin nerves sometimes... and geez they wake up too early for me... i woke up and Paris is talking to Aunt Cynthia on the phone... it was kinda surreal i thought i was dreaming... a lil 6 year old on the phone talking bout "Yeah i'm decorating my room a lil bit." okay??

neway.... i have to get my shit together.. i finished the living room.. the hall... now i'm tackling the office.... i have so much shit....

Baaaaaaaagggggg Laaaaaaddddyyyyyyyy.... Syol

i don't bleed for you no mo
i stopped that so long ago
i wish i could
my heart doesn't beat any faster
when you remind me what kind of person i am
or am not
i'm aight wit me
so the pressure of your insecurity
weighing me down
won't smush me to bits
notes and messages
shooting poisoned arrows my way
and i absorb every single line
the inflection of me as described by you
the pins and needles in ya words
make me wonder about yo ass
wonder about why i still love you
but hate to see you coming
but my skin stay in tact
and i don't bleed a bit....

i kinda always knew i'd end up your ex-girlfriend.... Jata

any energy i had left in my body this morning has been completey obliterated by the events of today.. people and emotions have left me exausted...

i felt both happy and sad leaving today with my box of office knickknacks.. i couldn't help but think... whut the fuck are you doing?... you should be in Johannesberg by now...

waitin on lyfe... not the best of ideas.... <3 Syol

ughhh.... 1 more.. i'm not even sure if i can do 1 more.. but just one more day... one mo' gen.... Jennifer and Pam took me out to lunch today and Lacy and Debra bought me some candles and a really nice pen...

were going to Memphis for the holiday and hang for a minute... i don't know.. travelling sometimes makes me even more exhausted... espically when it's all short.... but the club up there is the bomb....

but anyway.. just one more day..... i'll try to make it... Syol

fuck...these last 3 days is long like fuck... i was like 4:00 where are ya??... these white muthafuckas getting on my last nerves... passing around a card in a big ass manilla envelope like i don't know that shit is for me.... and telling me how surprised they are that i'm leaving... i'm like... oh Betty you're so sweet i'm going to miss you.. blah blah blah... i'm sickened by my own fakeness..

i now realize that that job was toxic.. mostly because i was a zombie... doing my job and everyone elses... and they worked the fuck outta me.. now everyone's scrambling to try and understand the reports and stats before i leave.. i know i'll get more than a few calls at home after friday.. can we say contract work... let's discuss an hourly rate shall we??.....

i wanna fuck somebody... well make luv to her....lol.. i'm no fuckin good

i'm sorry i'm being way negative right now but i am happy... i am so happy right now... i am okay right now.... i got love right now and i feel love right now.. syol is moving to the left again.... and i know those feelings cause i don't get them often... like something good is about to happen to my black ass...

and did ya'll know that Me'Shell is in the hospital because some people kept flashing her... god.. she said bring a tape recorder and leave that picture shit at home... they need to make people leave that shit at the door anyway...

quieting the silence... turning up the noise.... Luv Syol

ellelee brown... you ain't right at all

tata's? yours? really?... you had everyone ova heah doing a collective "Ohhhhhhh.... Shyyyyiiittttt!".. i was all up in the monitor and you got poor Sean popped upside the head... lol... i had to remind myself.. that IS my systa... wow... i'm speechless... can we say screensaver?? glad you got your things.. sorry about all the drama..

i'm getting ready to change the layout.. it's getting kinda stale in here... something fresh and funkayyy... i hope we all voted today ladies... (and gents)... nobody got past me without being asked... it's just one of my thangs...

dykes for democracy... Jata Free

election day...

i think there is nothing more pathetic than people who say shit like "I ain't messin with them white folks!" and then get mad cause they working security at the parking lot for 5.95. exercising democracy is everything. look at all the shit that has happened in the last 2 years and tell me its not everything... 4 years ago i was told that when i graduated from college i could have any job i wanted... my prospects were unlimited entering the workforce... even as a senior in college i was making $19,000 a year which is good by louisiana standards. but finding this last job was a struggle... and i found one well enough but that was only because i was telling everyone i knew that i was in the market again. 4 months.. i had to go four months looking for a job and a nigga got mad skills.

but when a sista tells me she doesn't vote beasue it doesn't matter... i just dare them to complain about the things going on in society... i think of all the struggles we endure from lack of participation in governemnt.. all the missed economic opportunity... all the missed social progression... i dare her to complain about any of those things.. because your vote is truly your american voice...

Freedom is a precious thing..... Syol

hmmmm.. last week at work starts tomorrow.. i had a cool weekend... revisiting the fam helps me realize how strong those blood ties are.. how much i see me in my family... how much i see my family in me... how some things about me they just get... how they love me.. how much i love them...

i want to go see Freida so bad but finding a theatre that plays it is proving to be a challenge. louisiana is so fuckin backwards... when i start school in the spring i'm going to try to set up an independent film festival with some other students.. cause this shit is just sad.. not one independent theatre... but 7000 dollar theatres

other than that i'm trying to clean out the house... paint and set down tile in the bathroom and kitchen.. it's gonna be so pretty.. i'm already packing my shit for New Orleans.. god i have so much shit so in addition to looking for a studio i'm looking for a1 bedroom also.. i want something in the garden or warehouse district.. near the bus or the trolly.. hardwood floors.. lots of windows... no fucking roaches... why is fuckin NO infested with roaches??... if not i'll be living it up in Kenner at the Sugar Mill apartments... they have cute duckies that just walk around and a little brook flowing around the property.. and the balcony is awsome.. it's a very nice place.. i just want to live in New Orleans for some reason.. so i'm stll workin on that..... but a nigga is so gone

well love you all..... Syol

you ever walk into a cobweb and freak the hell out???.... man, i hate icky sticky cobwebs.. and i didn't even see the shit coming... hilarious....

oh.....my....god

i finally had a decent job offer thrown my way and good thing cause i was three steps from calling Merry Maids.. ya'll think i'm playin... but yeah... i finally heard from the guv'ment... and i got offered a job in the public sector working with crazies and weirdo's like myself signing them up for services and things... i wanted the field position... cause i like working directly with the people.. but he said that once i'm there a while i can wait on an opening and more likely get it...

my lil supervisor love me to death with his little gay creole self.. he's like "i think were gonna become friends.. and i don't like too many people" i knew i had the job 5 minutes into the interview... he said "Girl i was just admiring your dress?".... man.. ther's nothing sexier than a big dyke in a business suit... you ain't know??... but i really, really like him.. he's so gay and i know we're probably gonna be tight like glue... so i'm definitely taking the job.. i'm just gonna be answering the phones and things for now

so next week will be my last week with the country white people... i'm going to miss them... awwww... i'm fuckin lying... but no more free long distance... cause the guv'ment don't play that.... but at least it's in NO... mostly negroes... decent pay.... cheap health insurance... and at least one other gay person that i know of... it's a sweet deal.. thanx lawd... you heard me... thanx Auntie Bert... haven't been up ther but a minute and you helpin ya neice out.... i wuv you

I'se workin for Massa Guv'ment naw.... Syol