closure..... that's the only word i can use to describe what happened to me this week.... i've been loving this girl for so long and wishing and hoping that this and that was gonna happen... that i really couldnt see her true colors... and she made it clear as day... and i'm not bitter or sad or choked up over it... cause that's her.. you know... thats her thing... where she at in life right now?... but when she made the comment "yeah... you the only one that ever be there"... i thought to myself "yeah... but where were you when i needed somebody?"

i am strong when it comes to love... i will do anything.... anything for someone i love... but that includes me....

Enuf....

its not enuf to love her
not enuf to want to breath the same air
or to say that you care
and that s.aving her l.yfe is polar opposite
to wanting to be a part of it

its not enuf to wanna be there
when she need someone to be there
and to disappear at her command
and understand.... it be like that sometimes

cause that's not enuf to make her feel much better
that ain't enuf to make those thangs alright
love cannot erase what aint go right
or experiences gone awry
make happiness out of fear.....s

but loves always enuf to make me cry
and still try.... JataSyol

dont cha know... youll always b the most...
beautifullll... woman i kno.. Musiq :)

what to do.. what to do.. what to do..... i hate inconsiderate people... but sometimes not saying something is much better than blastin off... and it's important to be a friend... even when others aren't good friends to you... my ex/friend/wanna be roomate calls up all the sudden and needs a place to stay and in the same breath asks me for $200 dollars to pay her car insurance... say what??.. and then rolls into the you remember when routine... i'm just like yo.... i've grown up... obviouisly you got some to do... i don't know... letting someone "back in" is the hardest thing for me... once i let go... its gone... and then the fact she doesnt even call back to say hey i'm coming.. no i worked thangs out.... i dont know... thats just rude

life lesson... it makes me appreciate the goodness of a friend making peace with me and my crazy ways... you are a blessing ma ki da da

it feels like i'm changing for the better... love is in me, but its choosy..... Syol

whoa.. it's been a minute...

sum thangs have gone down... i've found myself in a deep depression for the last 3 months or so... but somethin about the spring is slowly bringing me back to life.... though some days i still feel damaged... and do something crazy to try and fix myself... i have some days where i just laugh and laugh and laugh... and some nights i just cry and cry and cry for no reason... its ill.. i've accepted that it is in fact me and ttrying not to be a mental patient just electric slides me closer to a nervous breakdown.. so i go with that shit... have fun mind.... lol

but i am cool...i am still alive.... i still am... i still..... i

"....say they happy fo ya but they really not".... Liberation.. Outkast/Erykah's Badu's part