yeow!!!!.... spoken word is not necessarily a poets arena??... its a preformers arena.... and i am no preformer!... no Mr. Hollywood... but my friend promised me i could be once i get comfortable having peole stare at me... i'm so shy??... but aww man.... real women love poetry!!... ch-yeah.... i was so embarassed... and i was like... never..eva...eva...eva...eva...eva
but imma be right back up in there... because it is a medium for claiming my fears and insecurities.... i felt the strength.. like the change in me when i woke up the next day.. and i was like... "i did it... dammit i did it!!"

.... i gave voice to my art.... which to me is like the real me that i let so few people see... my vunerablities.... who am i??... people be like... you have no real problems, you have no real worries, you got it all together....and i kinda hold that up cause i guess thats what i want the world to see... they dont know though.... and its nice to let that screwed up person breath sometimes... the truth will set you free... remember that??..lol

so what else is goin on.... i'm trying to learn new things... i'm visiting a lot of art musems and outdoor markets and stuff... alone... trying to learn about me and why i am the way i am... that was my whole point of movin to New Orleans.... to find myself in a way i havent found myself be4..... and sometimes i just be walkin and the world is clear... and in order... i love that feeling.... the absence of the cloud of ignorance..... the clarity of truth.... thangs be so simple.... and i learn to let people feel about me.... however they wanna feel.... cause they need to feel..... the same way they need to breath air... that even if it seems unfair... it is all fair.. and is all for the best... and that love is not lost or disposed... it takes a new shape... i dont know... i had it all figured out last Saturday boi!!

i'm crazy.... i need some new tennis shoes.... i'm going to the Bahamas... yeah.... and i'm studying for finals.... and i've been wolfing down anything i can get my hands on cause im on my period.... every1's mad cause i changed my number... but the truth is... some people dont wanna conversate... exchange words, thoughts or ideas.... they just wanna talk... and i guess that okay.... but on the real... i wanna feel somethin.... i want something to move inside me when i talk to someone.... im askin to much i know... but empty conversation is not a priorty to me..... tell me what you felt last night.. not whut cha did... who you thought was cute... what you doin tomorrow.... i wanna know everything that you feel..... inspire me.... get inside me.... stop being afraid... and honestly thats whut most people are... either scared... or they just dont care... im tired of figuring out which... i dont have room for the weak or space for the lost

my love is highaaaaaa... highaaa than the Empire State..Sade...Syolie

No Marvin Gaye:4 the beloved

i couldnt tell you whats goin on... i'm no Marvin Gaye... i feel like that cat, Tom... in the cartoons... trying to catch the plates... as the mischevious, Jerry races back and forth tipping them over... just to make life hell..... the old is skeptically eyeing me... wondering why im actin funny... bein shady... the new is watching me too.... wonderin who i thank i am.... where the hell i come from... S.ave Y.our O.wn L.yfe.... plays in my mind... i have no time to waste

i couldnt tell you whats going on... im no Marvin Gaye.. u see i am losing.... i am gaining.... i am moving towards... moving away from.... i am accecpting and denying... what is being offered.... i am gracious... and i am ungrateful..... and i aint skeered.... of bein skeered... that im skeered to let go.... cause i am ignorant... but i seek the truth... i caint be everything to everyone.... i caint wait for my ship to come in....cause i've missed the boat so many times....

whus goin on...yeah... whus goin on??...ohhhhh.... even Marvin ain't know.. me, myself, and eye... we just doin the best we can..... we just tryin 2 b a woah...man... we changin and we caint change... that we changin.... whus goin on??

i don't know why i be stayin gon so long, i miss bloggin... my feelings come pourin out like ketchup from a Heinz 57 bottle, i'm all bottled up right now, concerns with school, and work, and school, have me emotionally constipated (ewww... bad analogy)... but its true!!

new car... Mazda 929... my friend called it a Granny Car... but thats alright... i'm rollin in air-conditioned, note free, comfort.

i've been chillin with my flaming queen of a husband, Gilbert... were doin fine... he cooks, i dont do jack... heaven i tell ya...

i've mostly been keepin to myself every since i became engaged in hand to fist combat with a fellow sista... some drama... not sure what happened there.... but i snapped... and was mad at my people for a moment... and then i woke up and was like... dont let the action dictate the reaction.... god is in all of us.... even phony folks.... i miss my momma 2.. that was part of it.... and i was scared... thats hard to say... but i was scared that her words shook me to the core... and i was scared that some of what she said was true... but not true... ya kno??... i was scared of people labeling me.... i was scared that i am transparent... i was scared that i am kind by nature... i was scared of my own ass.... and i took it out on hers... im trying... thats all i got to say

i'm making myself do spoken word at Cafe Brasil... tonight... for what other reason... than to prove that i can do it... fear is an illusion.... the most empty emotion we have... but dont blame yourself... its our parents fault... they thought it would keep us safe... but from who.... ourselves??.... i have my girl Elouise (Elouwishes:)... to thank for that.... got me noticing the difference to listening and being heard.... busy world... busy lives... easy friendships.... like stopping to smell the violets....

making a trip to visit the Ark... i passed by it when i was in the neighborhood lookin at houses and i say somebody go in there... for art supplies??... i just wanna know whats in there.....

tryin to lose weight... i have a picture of myself taped to the bathroom mirror.. so i know why i have to be on the track at 6:45am and 8pm respectively.... i remember that even though your body is a temple... it dont have to be a big ass one.... lol... but i'm mad at my friends for lying to me.... to anyone out there with a friend thats way too big for their good... please just say somethin.... dont let a girl down

ummm... thats all folkz.... imma try to check in de temps au temps... i be trying.... sometimes i feel like i have nuthing to say...

u make me feel... like somebody...Luv, Yo Systa Syol

for a beautiful girl:

Lookin @ u make tha world look betta
Morning dew on grass, dewier
Oil Slicks on concrete, slickaaaa

U make magic wit that body
U Embody (inbody, enbodie)
U Outabodiee (outabody, out-of-body)
You make me feel lik.....
Somebody

Revelations: Series 1-7: #1

you can measure the breadth and depth
the feeling underneath fingertips
a smell
a taste
an idea, an inspiration
a feeling of love
and understanding
a way of life
happiness flowing from every pore
wanting more

u cannot measure emptiness though
u cannot measure emptiness