i had a great vacation and i'm going home today... aww man.. back to the grind.. i kinda like it here but all people talk about is money and mo money and show me the money... i'm like... glad i'm from New Orleans where everyone is broke.

i wrote this poem for myself when i told someone i didnt care about money... in reflection i know we all ddo to some extent... but i can share... the only problem i'd have in a socialist society is that i'd have to be like everyone else... eat what they eat... dress how they dress... and see the same shit theyd see... i'd still be an outlaw.. but dammit i have no problem sharing...

Seriously
u cant be serious
Serioulsy
she looks at me and says
"aer you serious??"
and waits for me to respond
to a rhetorical question, right??
she looks t me as if there is someting i don't get
wont get, caint get, aint get
does she know..
that seriously... i dont give a fuck


i miss Celia Cruz.... Azucar!!..... Jata

so i'm in Atlanta hangin with my family.... ironically were cooking Thanksgiving diner the day after Thanksgiving... yesterday we went to a buffet restaurant and i had me some crab legs scrimps and some bomb ass Belgian waffles which i to' up like a muthafucka....


i'm using my moms computer so its also nice to be bloggin without the gubment on my back even though my friend be on there showin me mpgs wit people fuckin an shit. and its nice for me to not have to turn every fuck into freakin and shit into it so 2day the real deal if you interested.



Somebody called me confused.. and in some senses i am.... i realize that desire is my motivation.. but when i am wiith someone i am good to that person... and i try... and sometimes thats the most important thing... to really try.... i still love ya though... if what youve learned about me turns you on or off.... 4 real this is me.... the new booty is still the bomb....

do you ever get scared for no real good reason sometimes?? i do


Fucking: another inapporiate poem

I wanna fuck somebody. i have these 3:33 am dreams when i'm horney as fuck. and i'm havin this bomb ass party. well not so much a party as a "hey u comin.. yo ass betta come". and they cum. every beautiful girl i do and dont know b in that byaaatch. an sum of us is sittin an talkin. jammin to sum Comfort Woman...

"i like when you move it all around, work that body baby"

and most of us is high in the skie. sum us smokin weed. sum of us smokin pussy. but we all high on life. the bass make us feel like the earth is movin. and the earth??... it movin... muthafuckin movin..

"i like the way you move, all around"

an we all movin wit that byatch.... somebodie starts dancin witt somebodie, somebodie starts whisperin to somebodie, and somebodie starts kissin somebodie.. and i feelhands on me... somebodie starts touchin somebody, and somebodie starts movin on somebodie... and i feel skin on me..and i say out loud.... "Everybody.. just do it"...

"comeon i know what you like, comeon i know what you like"

everybody touch, whisper, kiss, lick, bite, dance wit, grab, caress, embrace, bind, luv... somebody. we feel like clouds in the skie. we hi. on the n.r.g of us. we strugglin for the collective. collective extacie. collective desire. we collectin on unfufilled promises and desires. collective love. we addin to the sum. the sum of us.

"i like the way you move it all around, i like the way you move"

and its like the revolution in here. we workin (it). for the better of our systaman. sum of us bein torn down so we can be rebuilt. sum of us bein bound so we can be set free. sum of us is dyin so we can live. so we can b livin. not fearing. not avoiding. not caring. not dwelling. we needin. we tryin. we flyin.

damm i wanna fuck somebody.

let it b known i've been writing this post 4 three days... this job aint no joke

i spent last night thinkin about my family.... i've surrounded myself with people who make me feel like they more family than my family is my family... but i find these relationships tend to be fleeting and conditional... they are usually contingent on the weather of... "I like you now, i might not like you tomorrow though..." and that go both wayz... like bisexual chicks....

i'm the first to admit i'm not always the person i can b.. the friend i can be... i try not to neglect people... and my best friend was like... "everytime you hook up with some girl u b gon man?"... all i can say is i Love Love.... but i love my brutha like no otha... i'm glad we back in touch though... cause thangs was gettin boring and dramatized up in here

you can never pull away from your blood though... you cant get a complete body transfusion... suck every milliliter of blood from every pore.... some red blood cells still stick around and replicate themselves... until you are you again....

to me family is that sort of unconditional love... not unconditional like... and not unconditional i wanna b around your behind.... but an i love you reguardless.... of the stupid things you say... the stupid things you do... and the stupid way you act.... and thats why i call my friends family.. its as if there are these purple colored blood cells running through our veins.... because reguardless of whatever happens... when it goes down... the cells begin to replicate themselves.. the love starts flowin.... they gon b there 4 ya

i'm secretely dreading Thanksgiving... my mom has been understanding... i feel as though i have taken on the anxieties of my clients... phobias of some unknown/irrational orgin... and they have become attatched to my own soul... we are a reflection of others i suppose....

i've been talkin to my friend and she and i have exchanged words on what it feels like to know that things are changing within our families... scary thoughts of... the things that used to be arent... any more.... old folks gettin older.... stupid people getting stupider.... and recollection of when we were eating Happy Meals in real Happy Meal boxes with the M shaped handles and watching Jem... "shes truly outrageous... truly truly truly outrageous..."

she becomes more and more beautiful to me everyday... she and i seem to be swimming in the same ocean of thought and prespective.... i like her happy ways.... she likes mine... i like her intelligence.... she likes my sense of humor.... we have intimate conversations about parents and education... politics and sex... i tease her about her ex boyfriends and living in Ohio.... she teases me about turning her on to Meshell Ndegeocello and avoids the "So are you....?? line of questioning.

the winter has brought me early morning fantasies of her in the carnal sense.. late at night i am lying on the bedroom floor bass beats from the speakers penetrating the carpet underneath me.... "this is how... this is how i love you"... damm i love Meshell Ndegeocello (Suhalia Bashir Shakur)... and i press #7 knowing at the other end there will be a "Hiiiiiii.... what are you doing??" in a crazy animated voice....

having just listened to one friend talk about her fabalus love life.. or the other one complaing about her tortured marriage... it is refreshing listening to someone who is just happy period... and crazy as hell....

sometimes we are just talking and she'll touch my arm or my leg or something and my heart starts beating fast... but i b tryin to carry on the conversation as if i'm not about to have a coronary.... and i have to look away.... talk into my lap... eyes averted.... like if i look at her she might figure me out... cause i know i'm transparent glass ... she is too freggin fyne.... she is too freakin awsome....

ummmm... thats about it fol(K).... lol... i need to get a computer... like a new 1.... dude i need a Dell!! Make checks payaple to Jata is broke

<3 so wutcha gon dooooo..... Syol... still yo systa

Michael Jackson: okay so they go MJ fucked up right before his new album drops right??.... claiming he touched some little boys thingy wingy...lol... now every other channel is... he sleeps with little boys.... he has too many plastic surgeries... he used to b black.... he's out there..... yadda yadda yadda!!.... what does that have to do with child abuse??

Rule # 11256: Judge not lest ye be judged... and mine ya bizness

hey as a babysitter, cousin, auntie, godmother, and future parent.... my little cousins, nephew, kids i've help raise and love... have peed on me in the middle of the night... Why you ask?.... because they have slept in the same bed with me and they little nasty butts wasn't potty trained.... aint nuttin like wakin up with your shirt stuck to your breasteses... and my children will do the same thing.... what am i gonna say.. "oh no baby you gon get moma in trouble like MJ??... go back to your room" there my kids!!

Who is to pass judgement on Michael and say its inappropiate for him to sleep in the bed with children?.... when a child is next to you the last thing you thinking about is sex??... ewwww!!.... and let Michael be Michael... its okay not to be and act and say and do... the things people want you to... its okay to b different and weird and not like what people consider "normal" because there is no such thing

that's why white people can pull the switch on folks.... cause they can detatch themselves emotionally.... black folks are loving... natural folks... i was breast fed... i crawled back in my momma and daddys bed unbtil i was 7 years old... my mom's favorite saying was "Cut the cord".... at my Granny's house (i miss you Granny) she made me put down a plastic sheet before she'd let me curl up with her, but she let me... it was natural... this is human... not sexual??... and having little kids around is not weird... even Jesus liked kids more than adults...

I got ya back Michael.... keep doin yo thang bruh... u gon come back like the a"R"uh..... and chill out with them crazy media... they dont mean you no good

.....soul flower take me flying wit chu....

yesterday was a go(o)d day.... i did everythang careful.... sorting the clothes...

Clean: green plaid shirt, stretchy demin pants f/ the Dolla Sto'... and all that shit hung up on hangers to go in the closet....

Kinda Clean: grey hoodie, plethura of white socks that i only wore 1ce (i think)... $2.81 t-shirts i got at sams... shoved in the last 2 drawers on the bureau....

and the Just stank!!.... worn out white t-shirts with questionable collars, underwear i've had for 25 yrs...(hey i am 25... go figure)... that my girlfriend called my Granny Panties cause "...they probably belonged to yo grandma ha ha" put in the wash... $4 whole freakin dollars....

then i made up my bed.... the sun shining through the windows reminded me that being alive is a good thing... watered the plants... made mango tea... called my momma... wrote in my journal.... wrote in my journal... sat on the balcony.... and said bueno to Alejandro as she passed w his mommy to get the mail... and i talked to my ex.... which had to opportunity to blow my day but we were too aggrivated to play the blame game this time.... went to the park and walked and cleared my head... cleared my head... cleared my head... went home.. made dinner... thought about giving myself a pedicure... got all the stuff together and just got lazy... sat and watched the American Music Awards... rubbed my sore ham(hock)strings ..... decided the AMA's was whack and made cookies... forgot i aint have no milk... ate some dry ass cookies... and laid on the couch where i wrote.....

"Most of the time i be wondering whut is wrong with this world..... but sometimes i need to wonder whats right.... "

Yes i'm crazy..... Syol

The Weird Girl Interview with Erykah Badu From the Dallas Observer

Link: http://www.dallasobserver.com/issues/2003-10-16/feature.html/1/index.html

She knows what they said, what they still say: She is a little off, a lot of jive. "Flighty," she offers as she nibbles on a peach. "They probably think I'm in the clouds, into astrology, a space cadet." She grins. "I am that, but I am a Pisces, so there are two fish. Pisces--we're the envy of the women, and we rule the men. They think a certain thing about me, but there are two parts to me. I am a searcher, a non-conformist, an Arts Magnet graduate." She laughs. "But I'm also a grounded individual who wants to have peace in her life and in everyone else's life. I've always been called that, in high school and elementary school and in college--The Weird Girl. At Arts Magnet, everybody was the weird girl. What I am is a free person. There's a freedom not to be afraid to do anything. I think that's what it is. It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter. But I do understand and know the 'she's on Neptune and not into reality' thing."

Afraid to love??

i'm kinda gettin back into this thing where i am constructively destructive... shit b botherin me so i just have this fuck it attitude.... i just caint deal with some stuff but i realize that i'm getting older and that what i'm doing is this childish thing..... i find it hard to tell people how i feel... like "i really, really, really fuckin luv you gurl" but sometimes its because i dont really know myself how i feel about things... so i just avoid thse kinds of intimate exchanges... i'm turnin into 1 of them people who don't hug their kids or something.... oh God!!

sometimes i think to myself.. how could she luv me when i'm so messed up??.... like... why??.... and i wonder if either of us knows what were doing... am i messing up her lyfe... am i creating problems like i always seem to do... i just want her to b happy but i dont want that to be at my expense.... i want to give luv but not if it means i'm giving all i got left... why dont they got COD's for emotion....

and there are times when we are together and i just dont think about the shit... we just b... and i know she be like... something is wrong wit this nigga... becasue i have other times when i want guarantee's and promises and comfort and i just caint talk about that... thats too deep... thats too gray... thats too close.... i just want to FLY.... i just want to love her without having to say so... crazy huh??

1 day.... sometime soon.. imma look in the mirror and say... and mean it .... i love myself... and then maybe i can start some new shit... some beter thangs... sum great thangs....

Sometimes i wonder why we wasn't born from the same momma...
Lyfe is better when u r my friend and thats the 4 real 4 real

eye eye eye <3 u like grass loves rain babygurl

Heyyyyy...owwwwww.... aint seen a nigga in a minute huh??

Meshell Ndegeocello..... make thangs alright..... i had gone wishin i coulda went with my "girlfriend" but was happy that i didnt cause when i get around beautiful women i caint help but become enamored and a little fucked up with my ackin.... my straight friend Levonne came with me.... for 1 reason or another she was curious and i'm glad to oblige and i'm glad to have someone to go with and enjoy it... the vibe was cool.... all different people... jammin to the "if you want me baby yeah... just call"... awwww shiiiiaatt....

i ordered my cd this morning (Meshell, autographed... 11.99 + s&h (aint that a biatch) and see as i'm at the li bery decided to do some freeing of the soul and mind.... i miss blogging... even though i'm the only 1 lookin.... it feels like freedom... ya feel me?? ne bodie??..... no?? well fuck u then....:)

i be havin these moments when i think about my life and my life in relation to other peoples lives... i wonder about my value and exactly who calculates it??... ME? THEE? WE??.... but i know last night i thought about my girls struggle with this gay thing.... and my struggle with this "luv" thang and we talked about the importance of just letting shit go... cause if not.... the value... the lesson... the experience is dimished.... "I just wanna hol your hand baby.... thats all i wanna do"....

keeep all your money and books and health
Baby i love love more than life itself Syol... and imma update this thang.... try to get my folks back... i promise