"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
---The Velveteen Rabbit ...by Margery Williams
i'm learning what it means to grow up..... that all the trials of your parents... all the the
ings they tried to teach you in parables and tales and silly ass sayings... they were warning you..
so i find myself on this day with the career of my dreams but the life of my nightmares... on probation.... basically divorced unless by some miracle the both of us change.... by most measures couch surfing... still broke... scared... full of anger.... full of tears.... full of shit....... and alone....
i feel the rage i've had since learning my wife doesnt need me anymore... who would never hurt me cause she "loves" me... has morphed into a monster.... taken over my every thought... i feel it inside me yelling bloody murder.... i literally hear it screaming in pain, sadness, rejection, and pure love....
Lena must move on because she's changed... and guess what... im a huge part of that she tells me.... kind of a shitty thing to be a part of... u not giving a shit anymore... Lena now knows she's bisexual and needs time to figure out if anyone is capable of living in a threeway relationship... cause Jata cant and therefore she cant be "truly" happy..... while i go to anger management....
crazy thing is... everyone serves as my logic... cause i have none left.... you deserve better.... shes fucking with you... fuck that bitch... just let it go... they say..... but how do i??... this girl is a part of me... i love this girl for no appearent reason.... maybe i did treat her bad?.... if i change my ways she'll come back... because she loves me too.... my mom says "she told them she wasnt in a relationship with you.... thats all you need to know.... let it go... did i teach you nothing?".....
i just think to myself.... no.... guess not... still love her... cant let go....
gotta go cry now
Peace
